Acceptance
You have your
way with words. You very good at it. You’re so good, you can make any man fell
for you.
Never face to
face though. You need time, to come up with the glistening sentence anyone want
to hear, you crafted uniquely to each and every single one of them. That’s
explain the texts, and only texts.
I was one of
them. I kept trying to tell myself, it is not real, but every time I’m close to
that epiphany, you pulled me back in. You pulled me back to that ratchet lies
of yours.
I was in deep.
Maybe the deepest anyone has ever got in to. I think maybe some men know that
there’s a trap at the end of you, and they bolted out. Not me. I fell right
into it. Open myself up and got chewed inside and out. It was horrendous.
Which brings
me to my second point, the armies of men coming at you. You told me stories how
you hated the men that approach you, how revolted you are towards them. What’s
weird is that, you didn’t stop them. Instead, you accept them with open arms.
It baffled me every time. But I was in your world of lies. I think to myself
that you’re just a nice person, and never have the heart to ghost people, even
when you didn’t like them. How wrong could I be.
You like it,
don’t you? The attentions, the gifts on your table, the never-ending texts from
random strangers. You don’t just like it, you crave for it. It fuels you. You
wanted more. It was never enough and one guy ready to fulfill that crazy needs
of yours. One guy was ready to leave everything behind and give you more.
Little that he knows, he already has everything he ever wanted.
The dumbest
guy that ever walks this earthly plane. You were everything that he thought he
ever wanted because you made yourself so. How can he love someone just the way
she is when she herself doesn’t know what she truly is?
The words that
came out of your mouth, thrown at him, is the same words that you threw around
to the other men, just with a different phrasing. The ingredients are the same,
lies. More and more lies. Maybe he is just messed up as you are, to believe all
the lies you’ve been serving to him. The lies made him happy, the lies made him
feel loved. A true love.
I regret it.
All the time, love, trust given is all wasted. To the wrong person. I already
have someone who love me for who I am, who already accepted me as her one and
only love, and I failed her. I deserve what’s coming, as I am the fool who
trust a beautiful lie rather than live the ugly truth.