Acceptance

You have your way with words. You very good at it. You’re so good, you can make any man fell for you.

Never face to face though. You need time, to come up with the glistening sentence anyone want to hear, you crafted uniquely to each and every single one of them. That’s explain the texts, and only texts.

I was one of them. I kept trying to tell myself, it is not real, but every time I’m close to that epiphany, you pulled me back in. You pulled me back to that ratchet lies of yours.

I was in deep. Maybe the deepest anyone has ever got in to. I think maybe some men know that there’s a trap at the end of you, and they bolted out. Not me. I fell right into it. Open myself up and got chewed inside and out. It was horrendous.

Which brings me to my second point, the armies of men coming at you. You told me stories how you hated the men that approach you, how revolted you are towards them. What’s weird is that, you didn’t stop them. Instead, you accept them with open arms. It baffled me every time. But I was in your world of lies. I think to myself that you’re just a nice person, and never have the heart to ghost people, even when you didn’t like them. How wrong could I be.

You like it, don’t you? The attentions, the gifts on your table, the never-ending texts from random strangers. You don’t just like it, you crave for it. It fuels you. You wanted more. It was never enough and one guy ready to fulfill that crazy needs of yours. One guy was ready to leave everything behind and give you more. Little that he knows, he already has everything he ever wanted.

The dumbest guy that ever walks this earthly plane. You were everything that he thought he ever wanted because you made yourself so. How can he love someone just the way she is when she herself doesn’t know what she truly is?

The words that came out of your mouth, thrown at him, is the same words that you threw around to the other men, just with a different phrasing. The ingredients are the same, lies. More and more lies. Maybe he is just messed up as you are, to believe all the lies you’ve been serving to him. The lies made him happy, the lies made him feel loved. A true love.

I regret it. All the time, love, trust given is all wasted. To the wrong person. I already have someone who love me for who I am, who already accepted me as her one and only love, and I failed her. I deserve what’s coming, as I am the fool who trust a beautiful lie rather than live the ugly truth.